Category Archives: migraine/headache

Approved for Medicaid

I was approved for Medicaid! The first time we used it was for medicine, 1$ for 2 medicines that were 20$ a piece. It is going to help us a lot financially.

There is only one thing that is effecting negatively, I have to find a new talk therapist. None of the councilors that are upfront about being Christian don’t take Medicaid. And the therapists my therapist called are not taking on patients. I’m hoping that finding a therapist isn’t as hard as last time.

We are very grateful the the Medicaid came through we are struggling so much with the doctor and medicine bills.


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Paingry describes the anger caused by the frustrations of chronic pain. I get this way, angry for no other reason then I’m in a crap ton of pain again and can’t do anything about it. I choose to have alone time so that I don’t say or do something that I will regret. It is hard keeping emotions under control while being in crap ton of pain. I like this term it explains what I feel very well.

Its one of the million things I ask God to help me with.
Lord, help me cope with the emotions that the pain brings. Help me to safeguard my thoughts and feelings from anger and fear. Help me to not become paingry which hurts my family and friends. Hear my cry for help. Amen

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Spending One Hour in Prayer


There is no correct way to pray. Spending a long time in prayer can sound hard. But if you look at prayer as a talk with Dad we can fill it up. Here is one way for an hour to quickly go by. Spend about 5 minutes in each of the 12 sections, you might find you will want to spend less time in some and more time in others. I like this order but shake it.

  1. Praise: Let God know that you acknowledged the things that he has done for you. Thank Him. Let God know what you think about Him: justice, love, holiness, omnipresence, greatness, faithfulness, creation, and/or redemption are some examples (you can check out the Psalms too).
  2. Silence: Take a moment of silence to focus on the presence of God. Feel God’s love and praise God for giving you this opportunity to speak with Him.
  3. Confession: Ask for forgiveness of your sins. Allow the Holy Spirit to move you to identify each sin. The Holy Spirit will lead you to accept forgiveness if you allow it.
  4. Read scripture: Reading God’s Word teaches us His promises, expectations, and about faith. Think about what it means to you. Pray about applying these lessons to your daily living. You can start in the Psalms.
  5. Watching: Be still and ask the Lord to help you know what to pray for. You are looking for where evil is larking and where thanksgiving is due. The Spirit will show what you and others need and the plans, methods, and stronghold of evil.
  6. Intercession: Pray for the joys, needs, and distress of others: family, friends, church, community, nation, etc. Its where you engage in Spiritual Warfare. You are showing through the Holy Spirit where evil is lurking, binding that evil to Jesus’s name, and breaking the evil’s stronghold.
  7. Petition: personal needs and joys
  8. Thanksgiving: Thank God for blessings, joys, salvation, ect.
  9. Song: Sing a hymn, rock with some Christian music, play an instrument. Make a joyful noise! Notice, it does not have to be pretty or really loud.
  10. Meditation: An active process of evaluation, searching, and pondering spiritual matters. Things that are true, pure, noble, beautiful, and praise worthy.
  11. Listening: Don’t talk, be still. Waite for the Lord to surround you with his goodness and love or maybe reveal new things to you.
  12. Worship: Extended Amen, exalt God.  Express your feelings of reverence, adoration, and joy.





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Botox Today

I had Botox today. Like always the fifteen minutes dragged as the doctor gave me the painful injections. I sang the Gloria Patri and took deep breaths as the doctor did the injections.  I am still in a lot of pain and its hurts to move.

It struck me today that getting Botox has made me overcome my phobia of needles. It still makes me anxious but I can breath and be pretty still. When we first started the doctor had to remind me to breath, be still, and keep my head held up. But not anymore. It took a lot of courage and strength from the Lord to get to this place.

I think overcoming phobias is a God thing. I need the Lord to get through every treatment.

Joshua 1:9 says: Have I not commanded you? be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid do not be discouraged, for the Lord you God will be with you wherever you go.

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My TV Psychiatrist

I say my psychiatrist for the first time yesterday. I was told I would be seeing her over the TV. I had no idea how that was going to play out. It was face time with all of the things that make me dislike face time. I could see her lips moving and then a little bit latter the sound would come through. It made communication a little awkward. Sometimes I couldn’t tell when she was finished asking her question and accidentally talked while she was still talking. Over all it wasn’t a bad experience. I seem to have a doctor who cares about her patients. We could talk about everything we needed to. I can get used to this weird face time environment.

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Lent: My Happy Place

When people woupsalm-23-001ld say “Just go to you happy place” I would be very annoyed. An imaginary place or New Age crap, would not make my pain all better. I tried it anyway and it didn’t work. When I was in the hospital I found a true happy place. It doesn’t make it all better, I am still in pain, but when I think about it but I feel better emotionally.


Psalm 23:1-4
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths for
his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,a

I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

I imagine that I am laying in lush, soft, green grass on soft ground in a field. There is the sound of water near by. The sunlight is on my face. I am joined by my brother and sisters in Christ. There is a soft warm breeze surrounding us and flowing through us. Jesus, the Shepard, is in the middle leaning against a tree, watching over us. Every once in a while he takes a group to go to the stream. Jesus guides us and watches over us. The Lord protects us and provides. The Holy Spirit fills us and warms our hearts.


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Lenten Post: Why Me?


I realized that I ask “Why me God” more often since the pain started. Why is my head hurting me? Why does it have to be me? Why are people being like this to me? Why does the doctor hate me? Why don’t people believe me?

So you can see there are no excuses for any of us. If your eyes shift their focus from yourselves to others–you have already condemned yourselves! You don’t realize that you are pointed your figures at others for the exact thing you do as well.

Romans 2:1

When we ask “Why me” it’s usually an unfortunate event. Asking God why did this happen to me is a good thing to do but we should also think about what we are asking “why?” about. Is it always something bad or do we sometimes think about something good that happened. In the book “Why God Why” by Justin Tul, he writes that asking “Why me” when good things happen turn prayers about suffering, protest, bamboozlement, and negativity into prayers of praise, wonder, promise and rejoicing that is good in the sight of the Lord. It takes your mind off your angst, suffering, and pain. Instead you focus on your blessings and find comfort in Jesus.

When we ask “Why me” it can turn our attention to those who have sinned against us and ultimately judge them. I’ve done it. Judging others makes you lose sight of your own sins, misgivings, and shortcoming. While distancing ourselves from a person or group of people we can lose out on blessings. So before we ask “why me” regarding someone else’s actions, we should ask “why did I.” Instead of “Why do they say I’m lying about the pain?” ask “Why did I lose my temper and leave?”

“Why me?” during the bad times and good times can bring you closer to God. If we ask “Why me?” and then listen, wait, and watch for an answer, we can see how God is working in our lives and answering prayers.


Prepare to be asked “Why me” more. I am going to ask “why me” when I am happy and coming to you with a heart of praise, not just when I am frustrated and hurting. Please give me peace and contentment as you answer “why me?” in Your own way and time. Amen

Tul, Justin W. “Why God Why: Sermons on the problem of pain.” Abingdon Press: Nashville. 1996


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Lenten Post: Growing In Relationship and Suffering

God calls us all to be patients. Yeah, it sucks. But think about it. A patient suffers quietly, withstands silently, obeys blindly, complains silently, and cries while smiling. The label puts our role perfectly. Patients are patient. That is when they are in public. Once we get home we show our grumpy, hurting, angry, “the world can go to Hell in a hay basket!” side. God calls us to go out and do his works knowing we are going to “patient” with everyone we meet. God also knows that when we get home we need to put on our PJs and tell him exactlyimage what we think about being a patient.

Jesus is always with you and helping you. He is there with you through your pain and suffering. Jesus wants to be there for you but you have to let Jesus show His love and let Him see that you want his guidance and comfort. The pain and suffering is a testament of his love. An alliance made out of everlasting love and unfailing trust. Pain and suffering encourages people to grow in their faith. The person learns to lean on Jesus, trust in Him always, be patient, and grow closer to perfect love. The pain and suffering brings you in a closer relationship with Jesus Christ.

Dear Lord,
Help me grow into a closer relationship with you. Help to bring me closer to you so that I can know you and tell you all about my pain and suffering, woes and sorrows. Not just the superficial junk. Please make me white as snow and clean as good waters so that I can become even closer with you Lord. Amen

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Lent Blog

The 40 days before Easter is the Lenten season. Lent is the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert and was tempted before he started his ministering. We take this time to focus on scriptures about his adulthood: baptism, sermons, disciples, healing, and miracles. To celebrate Lent remember what it means to be a Christian. It is a time of reflection, prayer, worship, and repentance. Many choose to give something up for Lent. What my pastor recommends is devoting more time with God or doing his works. For example, set aside time for prayer or go volunteer at the food pantry. Do something that actually brings you into a closer relationship with God.

I looked for a devotional to do and got frustrated very quickly. I don’t want to read anything that is a rainfall right now. And I hope I am not that pitiful.

I came up with a solution. I’ll read books and post about God and pain. I got together some resources and I think I’m ready to give it a go. I’ve got “Health, Illness, and the Social Body. A Critical Sociology.” 4th edition. I found “Why God Why? Sermons on the problem of pain.” By Justin W Tull in a sale bin. Out of nowhere appeared “When Your Doctor Has Bad News” by A.I.B. Weir .m.d. I also have my rusty dusty World Wide Web, trusty gutsy “NIV Bible” and handy dandy “NRSV Study Bible.”

Lent Started Today. So, 40 posts to go.

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Waiting for the UPS

I went for Botox last week. I waited in the exam room for an hour before I was informed there was a problem. My medicine hadn’t arrived with the morning UPS. Because of an error by the Botox company my medicine was sent guaranteed by 3pm.

Guess what I did for 4 hours at the doctors office?
I waited for the UPS guy.

My Dad and I sat in the front lobby and watched for the UPS truck. I never imagined I would be waiting for the UPS guy in the doctor’s office.

I did learn I prefer to get Botox first thing. I prefer getting the injections when I’m still a little groggy.

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