I realized that I ask “Why me God” more often since the pain started. Why is my head hurting me? Why does it have to be me? Why are people being like this to me? Why does the doctor hate me? Why don’t people believe me?
So you can see there are no excuses for any of us. If your eyes shift their focus from yourselves to others–you have already condemned yourselves! You don’t realize that you are pointed your figures at others for the exact thing you do as well.
When we ask “Why me” it’s usually an unfortunate event. Asking God why did this happen to me is a good thing to do but we should also think about what we are asking “why?” about. Is it always something bad or do we sometimes think about something good that happened. In the book “Why God Why” by Justin Tul, he writes that asking “Why me” when good things happen turn prayers about suffering, protest, bamboozlement, and negativity into prayers of praise, wonder, promise and rejoicing that is good in the sight of the Lord. It takes your mind off your angst, suffering, and pain. Instead you focus on your blessings and find comfort in Jesus.
When we ask “Why me” it can turn our attention to those who have sinned against us and ultimately judge them. I’ve done it. Judging others makes you lose sight of your own sins, misgivings, and shortcoming. While distancing ourselves from a person or group of people we can lose out on blessings. So before we ask “why me” regarding someone else’s actions, we should ask “why did I.” Instead of “Why do they say I’m lying about the pain?” ask “Why did I lose my temper and leave?”
“Why me?” during the bad times and good times can bring you closer to God. If we ask “Why me?” and then listen, wait, and watch for an answer, we can see how God is working in our lives and answering prayers.
Prepare to be asked “Why me” more. I am going to ask “why me” when I am happy and coming to you with a heart of praise, not just when I am frustrated and hurting. Please give me peace and contentment as you answer “why me?” in Your own way and time. Amen
Tul, Justin W. “Why God Why: Sermons on the problem of pain.” Abingdon Press: Nashville. 1996
God calls us all to be patients. Yeah, it sucks. But think about it. A patient suffers quietly, withstands silently, obeys blindly, complains silently, and cries while smiling. The label puts our role perfectly. Patients are patient. That is when they are in public. Once we get home we show our grumpy, hurting, angry, “the world can go to Hell in a hay basket!” side. God calls us to go out and do his works knowing we are going to “patient” with everyone we meet. God also knows that when we get home we need to put on our PJs and tell him exactly what we think about being a patient.
Jesus is always with you and helping you. He is there with you through your pain and suffering. Jesus wants to be there for you but you have to let Jesus show His love and let Him see that you want his guidance and comfort. The pain and suffering is a testament of his love. An alliance made out of everlasting love and unfailing trust. Pain and suffering encourages people to grow in their faith. The person learns to lean on Jesus, trust in Him always, be patient, and grow closer to perfect love. The pain and suffering brings you in a closer relationship with Jesus Christ.
Help me grow into a closer relationship with you. Help to bring me closer to you so that I can know you and tell you all about my pain and suffering, woes and sorrows. Not just the superficial junk. Please make me white as snow and clean as good waters so that I can become even closer with you Lord. Amen
The 40 days before Easter is the Lenten season. Lent is the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert and was tempted before he started his ministering. We take this time to focus on scriptures about his adulthood: baptism, sermons, disciples, healing, and miracles. To celebrate Lent remember what it means to be a Christian. It is a time of reflection, prayer, worship, and repentance. Many choose to give something up for Lent. What my pastor recommends is devoting more time with God or doing his works. For example, set aside time for prayer or go volunteer at the food pantry. Do something that actually brings you into a closer relationship with God.
I looked for a devotional to do and got frustrated very quickly. I don’t want to read anything that is a rainfall right now. And I hope I am not that pitiful.
I came up with a solution. I’ll read books and post about God and pain. I got together some resources and I think I’m ready to give it a go. I’ve got “Health, Illness, and the Social Body. A Critical Sociology.” 4th edition. I found “Why God Why? Sermons on the problem of pain.” By Justin W Tull in a sale bin. Out of nowhere appeared “When Your Doctor Has Bad News” by A.I.B. Weir .m.d. I also have my rusty dusty World Wide Web, trusty gutsy “NIV Bible” and handy dandy “NRSV Study Bible.”
Lent Started Today. So, 40 posts to go.
I went for Botox last week. I waited in the exam room for an hour before I was informed there was a problem. My medicine hadn’t arrived with the morning UPS. Because of an error by the Botox company my medicine was sent guaranteed by 3pm.
Guess what I did for 4 hours at the doctors office?
I waited for the UPS guy.
My Dad and I sat in the front lobby and watched for the UPS truck. I never imagined I would be waiting for the UPS guy in the doctor’s office.
I did learn I prefer to get Botox first thing. I prefer getting the injections when I’m still a little groggy.
Today is the first day I have been able to type since Thanksgiving. Why? I sliced off a few centimeters of my pointer finger with a rotary cutter.
I was cutting fabric while standing, like you do when using a rotary cutter. A rotary cutter looks like a pizza cutter but its sharper and you cut fabric with it. I suddenly got disoriented, then dizzy, and I began to fall. And in the chaos the rotary cutter slipped and rolled over my finger just far enough to warrant a trip to the E.R..
It was so weird going to the ER not screaming in pain. But the cause of the accident was the onset of a migraine. The first thing the nurse asked about was about the symptoms of blood loss. I realized they were all symptoms of migraine; I was clammy, nauseous, head spinning, and confused.
The nurse asked me about how much pain I was in and I couldn’t answer. The question confused me. My migraine hurt more then my finger. (That in itself concerns me. My head hurt more then cutting part of my body off.) The nurse was confused and specified my finger. I looked at the pain chart and rated it an 8 because I wasn’t crying. I had a bad migraine, on the brink of horrible. But I also had just cut off part of my finger. I was in a lot of pain. I didn’t cry. The doctor who cauterized my finger told me several times it was okay to cry and crying didn’t make me less brave.
I did produce a few tears but they were out of frustration. I obviously should be crying. Any normal person would be crying. I am in a lot of pain. I realized I was scared to cry. A doctor told me that crying can make a migraine worse because it puts stress on the respiratory system. Crying could have put me past the breaking point and I could have started screaming.
Mostly, I was scared of being misunderstood for a drug seeker. A person crazy enough to cut off a bit of herself to get a fix. When I got home, that made me cry myself to sleep.
A brave or courageous person would cry.
What does your ribbon look like? We usually see it crafted into a butterfly or given some type of bling. I thought about how the ribbon is more then an awareness object. When we look at the ribbon we think of our loss, struggles, pain, and brokenness. But we also get a sense of togetherness, courage, and strength. It turns a survivor into a warrior. The most important thing about the awareness ribbon is that it is a symbol of hope.
Hope. Romans 8:24-25
“24 For in this hope (of everlasting life) we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”
I cannot hope to be healed if I’m already healed. I can’t hope for a cure if we have one. I can’t hope to be without pain if I am pain free. Hope inspires people. Seeing hope in others is inspiring. We wouldn’t have any epileptic medicine if hope hadn’t inspired someone. Once we have a cure to epilepsy and migraines, we will hope for an affordable cure. We need hope. To keep hope alive we need patience. We learn patience and we can encourage each other to never give up.
Why did I draw it that way? I am a Christian.
I believe that I should take all my worries and pains to Christ, as the saying goes “take it to the cross.” That is why I started the ribbon faded and torn on the right. I believe Christ will take everything and make it new again. That is why as the ribbon falls to the front of the cross the color changes to just lavender and then ends is a smooth cut. The ribbon is not tied like the traditional ribbon so that it could blow away, Christ is capable of healing-illness and brokenness disappears. All things are possible through Him.
I went in for a general check up at the dentist today. My Mom went back with me because I had a migraine. The mix is delightful. So we get through the exam, the doctors were great and understanding. Then comes the bad news. The mile long list of what is wrong with my mouth.
And then, “Are you sure your not feeling any dental pain?”. We assured her that I did not feel any dental pain, usually only feel the head pain. We explained to her that I my tooth has some strong competition. “Well,” says the dental assistant, “this tooth right here should be causing considerable pain.” Crap, so is it something we need to take care of ASAP? No! No, its not. For a few reasons. The nerve in that tooth is reacting to the broken tooth abnormally. It is not infected. And mostly its because I don’t feel the pain. So on that list, its second to last. Perk of having an abnormal brain.
The one thing that sucks is that because of my neurological issues the doctor is scheduling short visits. He doesn’t want me there for more then an hour at a time because of all the triggers in exam rooms. So I’m going to be going to the dentist a lot.
November is Epilepsy Awareness Month. I could not find a blog challenge, I find this aggravating. I have decided to make one up as we go.
I have a folder of memes and pictures about being being sick. I am going to use one of those everyday to inspire something that spreads awareness about epilepsy or my experience as an epileptic person.
I have hazel green eyes.
November first is All Saints Day. As a Protestant, we celebrate All Saints Day by remembering those who have past away who were strong in their faith and celebrate those around us who have strong faith that encourages and helps those around them. But Catholics are must more selective. There are 40 saints for epilepsy and two that had epilepsy (http://catholicsaints.info/patrons-against-epilepsy/http://catholicsaints.info/patrons-against-epilepsy/). How do you choose a Saint to pray to? I have no idea, but most choose St. Valentine (https://www.epilepsy.org.uk/about/st-valentine-epilepsy-patron-saints). He was known for miraculous healing of all sorts and epilepsy was top of the list.
The theme this week is “Invisible No More.” I have been thinking about it off and on all week. I hope it is just because of the souring pain levels, but I have not thought of an uplifting idea of how to make migraines and epilepsy visible. I could revamp my wardrobe? Wear themed jewelry? I don’t know if I want to loose compete control over who knows and who doesn’t know. On some days dealing with the stigmas are very hard to keep civil, like days I’m falling and someone saying I shouldn’t drink during the day…