One of my fears has been that I would experience aphasia during a neurology appointment. It is the most frustrating thing that can happen in the doctor’s office. Here I am staring at my doctor unable to communicate. All I could do was cry. My mind completely blank. What was going on around me didn’t even feel real. After long pauses I could usually come up with a short response. But it may have been gibberish. My Mom said I looked awful and decided to come into the exam room with me, after a few questions the doctor asked if he could talk to Mom instead.
He ordered pain shots. To receive them the nurse needed my birthday. Yeah, I could only stare at her and cry. After an awkward pause Mom inquired if she is allowed answer for me. She is. Thankfully, I got my shots.
The doctor and nurses were all very supportive. The nurse caught on to what was happening pretty quickly and informed the doctor. The nurse told me to cry as much as I wanted. The doctor was patient with me, asked if we understood aphasia, and ordered the shots before we talked so they would be ready asap.
After I woke from a long sleep I felt awful about how the whole morning went down. I cried to my sister about how I didn’t go to the doctor for shots and I missed out on being able to really talk to the doctor. It made me feel like a drug seeker although no one treated me like one. I’ve never sought out drugs. That stigma stopped me from being able to seek treatment for years and now it makes me feel awful about myself every time I take or am given a pain medicine.
Aphasia is always frustrating. Getting attacked by it in the exam room was just as awful as I imagined it would be.