The New Normal

Its hard talking about my psychosis, but I knew I needed to post about how it has changed how I cope with my constant head pain, chronic migraines, and seizures.

I read, mostly scripture. Keeps me focused and my mind engaged. It pushes my pain to the side and the voices kept quieter–until a voices start reading the page for me, then it is a little stressful.

Soft quiet music can be soothing. Its a distraction and relaxes my body. It can help me go to sleep. Loud obnoxious music can drown out the stadium of voices, but is gives me a migraine.

I draw, paint, color, and make collages. I am writing a comic about my experiences. I still watch my Kdramas, but nothing violent. I do so many things because between the pain and what the psychosis are doing different activities make for better distractions.

I try to keep a normal diet. But I get delusions the food is poisonous and it makes it hard to eat full meals. Sometimes I can’t keep them down.

I take my medicine. But again I get delusions that the pills are poison and need encouragement to take them. (I do take all my meds) I still get Botox.

Sleeping is a challenge. I try to get 8-10 hours. But I have nights when I’m in too much pain. And others where I have terrible nightmares that keep me up or the voices start screaming in the middle of the night. Sometimes I have to take sleeping pills.

Meanwhile I am still having all the same symptoms of migraine and severe pain, motion sickness, double vision, feeling sick, seeing halos (which is interesting because I also hallucinate), and so on. And then I get that side-effect of migraine where when you move it leaves a trail behind, like in the Flash, and then the voices will be like “that’s not your hand, its still over there!” And then its like WOW how did my hand get over here? And Look it did it again, I must remain absolutely still so I don’t loose any of me. Yeah, mix pain, delusions and voices it makes things weird.

I exercise also for relaxation and fitness. I see a councilor every week.

I pray that God gets me through every day and we are taking it one day at a time.

That is my new normal.

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