I Hate Pissing Contests

I went to a family reunion this weekend. We always go a day early so we have time to spend with my Great Aunt. One of my cousins is a drama queen. This time she was milking for sympathy because she was diagnosed with chronic migraines. She had her first in April and was diagnosed shortly afterword. We had a short dialogue about her first migraine, her doctor, and medicine. Most everything made me think, wait what? I told her it takes patience, cooperation with her doctor and faith in her medical team. She reminded me that she actually has a life, a kid, a job, still in her 20s and I don’t have any of those things.

I staring at this girl in amazement. I couldn’t find a shred of sympathy or compassion. That made me question myself. I know what its like to be blinded by the pain and my migraines last for several days. I know her pain. I remember how hard it was when it first started in my 20s. I thought I should feel sympathy, logically it is the correct emotional response, but I didn’t. I pitted her lack of understanding and was disgusted by her attitude.

I figured it out. She wanted compassion from me while trying to one me up and hurt my feelings. She wasn’t asking me about migraines or coping at all. She told a story about her last ER visit, she stared at me. My last ER story was 10x better, I could have also pointed out why she was treated so horribly. I didn’t say anything. Her last doctor appointment. I didn’t say a thing. Her job. Silence. She was aggravated. Yup, this was definitely a pissing contest. She was baiting me and showing off. I was pissed.

I believe that these pissing contests are toxic. I don’t like it when someone tells me I have it worse off or someone has it worse off then me or at least its not cancer. We shouldn’t get stuck on who has it better or worse off. We shouldn’t compare suffering. When we do we loose chances. We can learn from each other, confide in each other, be friends or mentors. We can’t be those things if we are stuck in a pissing match.

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Filed under family, migraine/headache

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