Monthly Archives: January 2017

What Makes our Country Great

What makes our country great is the first amendment. Do you remember what it says?

Amendment 1. Congress shall make no

  • Freedom of Religion: law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the exercise thereof;
  • Freedom Of Speech: or abridging the freedom of speech,
  • Freedom of Press:  or of the press;
  • Freedom to Protest: or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
The right to yell out to the government that we deserve a chance to life, liberty, and justice:
  • Equality at work
  • Employers should not discriminate against us spoonies
  • Sick days should be available
  • We need affordable healthcare so that we can be productive citizens
  • Public places need to be handicapped accessible
  • Harassment is real, consequences need to be enforced
  • the White House needs to support awareness

Yeah, the list goes on. Our nation’s laws can change according to the peoples’ needs. Our nation knows what we need because we have a voice and several ways for it to be heard (religious groups, speech, protesting, our press).

We were Great. Are we going to stay Great? If one of those rights is taken away from one group of people are we Great? Or just great? I think that is when “We need to make America Great again!”

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Photophobia: So that happens.

Photophobia was one of the ‘phobia vocab words in my social psychology class. Years later I ran into the word on a list of rare migraine symptoms. Again I just zoomed past it. I shouldn’t have.

I tried to find blogs of personal experiences of severe episodes like mine. I couldn’t find anyone who had shared. I am going to share what happened. Not my internal dialogue or anything too deep. That day still scares me.

Photophobia is an episode. The person suffers an irrational fear of light of varying degrees for a period of time. It is a, ER-worthy, sensitivity to light. The episode is connected to another medical issue. This is a medical condition. The psychological condition is heliophobia. Photophobia can lead to heliophobia. (My doctor,, webMD and other places)

An aura woke me up. I was seeing bright lights in my sleep. I woke up and the auras were still there. And so were the bits of light that get through the blackout curtains. It was a nightmare. I didn’t know I was screaming.

Have you ever hit a 10 on the pain scale and it not matter? Not a single bit? I did. I was too scared to care. I was terrified. Light is everywhere. Even in a room with no windows with the door shut and hallway light off and blocked out. Auras are bright.

Bright lights and loud noises (like screams) aren’t good for me. We talked to a nurse. Good to know it’s a medical emergency–which is not in the literature. Mom had to drag me to the car and then into the ER. A nice man saw her trouble and ran out with a wheelchair.

Screaming person gets in quickly but not treated quickly. I’m still a female migraine patient with all of the prejudices that go along with it. I was also a difficult patient. I was left in the bright hallway and mom threw a blanket over me. I didn’t want to come out. I had gone horse so they didn’t have to hear me scream. I do have to say that after I finally saw the doctor the nurse was literally right next to him to give me the medicine.

I know that the intense fear was caused by the pain because after the medicine kicked in I started to calm down. I wasn’t completely contented until the next morning when my pain level was back to normal.

The doctor seriously considered admitted me. He thought I should be observed overnight. I didn’t do so hot on his neurological tests. He thought it would be better if I was already in the hospital if the episode continued after the meds wore off. I used some bad logic. I don’t feel good so I want to go home. Mom and the doctor had a conversation and I got to go home.

On the way out I heard a woman yell at a nurse. The woman had arrived at the ER sometime before me and saw me be admitted right away. She asked why ‘that girl’ got to go right in. The nurse was short with her, we have to perform triage and the woman had an actual emergency. I realized two things. First, I was cuddling a large teddy bear. Second, there is a fine line between a migraine being dismissed and being an “actual emergency” in the ER. OOoo I also learned that

OOoo I also learned that injured cops and culprits are bumped to the top regardless the injury. I heard a nurse say I might have been treated faster if the cop and robber didn’t show.


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The last two months have been surreal. Days meshed together and I lost all sense of time. I stare out into space. My train of thought wanders and meanders. The pain jumps in like it feels left out of the conversation. The pain keeps steering the conversation, “remember the time…Oh, those were good times.”


Photophobia. The fear of light, the condition where light hurts your eyes, also known as light sensitivity. Severity ranges from minor to medical emergency. When I asked my doctor about what happened is was very logical and made perfect sense. It is a type of light sensitivity. Nothing new. It was all calm and rational. Adequate answers for a realist like me.

But this is not what happened. That night was everything but calm. I was screaming and terrified. The light hurt and I was positive Light was doing it on purpose and it was out to get me. Light was torturing me. I couldn’t hide. My eyes were creating light and Light was penetrating everything I tried to use to cover them. I was screaming. I couldn’t stop. I was in excruciating pain and was terrified. At the same time I was thinking “stop it, it’s light, light doesn’t work that way. This is ridiculous. Act your age. Light is good. Crops need light to grow. Light helps depression. Our body needs vitiam D which we get from light.  Color is a reflection of light. Creates energy.” “God help me.” And I prayed during the brief moments of quiet. But mostly irrational screams.


Going along on a normal level pain day when all the sudden the nonsequitur from pain. “Are you ready to order?” Pain: “Remeber the first time I sent you to the ER?” Me: “Plus, I should spike a manhunting pan sweat podio flies. Peas.” Another time. Mom: “I went to the doctor.” Pain: “Give me chocolate peasant.” Me: “Cousin dinosaurs?”

Internal dialogues and conversations are not safe from the nonsequiturs. I will be in Sunday School and all the sudden pain will step in “Give me chocolate peasant.” The train of thought gone and I go on with something completely different without noticing. I will be thinking about something like how I should change a bulletin board. Pain will sneak in, “Isn’t nice taking naps on the bathroom floor? Want to do it again?” Now I’m thinking about how scary phonophobia could be. Thanks pain, completely lost my concept.


Pain leaves little surprises all over the place. A day without some type of twist would be a surprise in itself. Sometimes good surprises and sometimes awful and sometimes downright spiteful. Photophobia was a surprise. Realizing how much I have been agreeing with Pain was a surprise. Yesterday’s surprise was that the pain allowed me to function for the six hours we spent celebrating Christmas. How loud my ears are ringing and it made everything else even louder is today’s surprise. Daily surprise parties get old.


I think it is safe to say it has been a surreal time. Surreal art depicting pain is useful to us because it is a way to see how the artist experiences, expresses and even copes with their pain.



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