Monthly Archives: August 2015

It’s 3 A.M.

It has been an interesting pain day that is continuing to entertain me. I think I am going to try just staring into darkness and hopefully I will accidentally fall asleep.

Jang Geun Suk has a soothing voice. Deep and soft. I watched a drama of his today just to listen to his voice, Hong Gil Dong is not anyone’s best. I should have watched You’re Beautiful or Baby and Me. I would like to see him in a medical show. I want to know what it would be like to hear the bad news in his nice voice. The bad news is….but…. There is always a but. And I think he might be able to rock a doctor’s coat and it would be nice to see him clean cut again for a while. Like in Beethoven’s Virus, it was a good look for him but not a wise costar choice.  I think it is about time for him to do another show anyway, doctor role would be good.

So if you were looking for something soothing, in my opinion this man’s got it. Here is an alright collection of his softer music. It doesn’t have my favs “Rain” or “Let Me Cry” but it does have his official sound tracks he did for dramas and movies he was in. There is only one song I really do not like in the mix, so not bad for 16 tracks.

01. Love Rain [Love Rain OST]
02. Without Words [You’re Beautiful OST]
03. My Precious [Marry Me, Mary OST]
04. Good Bye [You’re Beautiful OST]
05. Because of Her [Mary Stayed Out All Night OST]
06. Hello Hello [Mary Stayed Out All Night OST]
07. I Will Promise You [Mary Stayed Out All Night OST]
08. What Should I Do [You’re Beautiful OST]
09. Can You Hear Me [Beethoven Virus OST]
10. Full Of Sunshine [Doremifasolatido OST]
11. Waiting for The Time [Doremifasolatido OST]
12. Oh My Lady [You’re My Pet OST]
13. Mandy [You’re My Pet OST]
14. Hello Hello (Ballad Ver.) [Mary Stayed Out All Night OST]
15. 너는 펫 키워봐쏭 ft Kim Ha Neul [You’re My Pet OST]
16. Fly Me To The Moon ft Park Shin Hye [You’re Beautiful OST]

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Re-blog: “Snake oil”

Check out this poet, Freshcircle. On the share I didn’t see the re-blog link. I found this poem amusing in my bad pain day. Bad pain days makes me despise my pills and question why we take them even though I know I am better off since I started this regiment.


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I am not “Non-Apparent”

I dislike the word apparent. It is a word that is used to imply that you are lying or when stating something very obvious. Its two definitions are 1. obvious, clearly understood and 2 seeming real, but not necessarily true.  And I know the word is used often in sarcasm.

I recently learned that “non-apparent” is a thing. I think I dislike non-apparent more. By tacking on the “non” it changes the definition to unclear or obscure. And it still has the word’s negative connotations. And it sounds like something a smart mouth would say. published My Story: Chronic Pain and Non-Apparent Disabilities by Lindsay Baran. Her story is common for someone with an invisible illness or disability, and you can read it here 

Here is my question, is my pain to unclear or obscure to describe to someone? Is what I am going through so unique that it is truly completely unfathomable for anyone else to relate to? If it is so then of course no one is going to believe the struggle is real. Or are we implying that we require language a kindergartner cannot understand in order to make people hear our plight?

It is of my opinion that we should stick to simple descriptives. I like invisible. Invisible is not a word with solid links to sarcasm. Invisible is also a better descriptive: not perceived by sight, withdrawn from the eye, not perceptible by the mind. It is something that others do not see, literally, but it can be felt with the other senses without a doubt. It is unseen but others can share in the experience and help you experience it in a way that is more bearable. Just because it is unseen does not make it unreal.

“My illness is non-apparent.” or “My illness is invisible.”

We cannot allow ourselves to fall into a trap of our own creating. There is nothing apparent or non-apparent about invisible illnesses. I believe that if the language is changed we may fall into a trap that distances ourselves from healthy people. Pain is not easy to see. The wrong words can belittles the struggle. The pain is true, there should be no room for doubts, it is necessarily true. So why use this word “apparent”? A word that leaves room for doubt. The non in front of apparent does not make it any better. It needs to be a word everyone with this type of illness would understand. My niece is seven and would never understand non-apparent. She just learned the word apparently and doesn’t use it correctly. She has known invisible since the day she started watching cartoons. Word choice is important.

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MAV: Most Appalling Vixen?

MAV is a nice acronym. It might be “made at Victoria’s”  or “most articles vintage” or even “masculine accursed vampires”. But it could be used for a module assault vehicle, micro-air vehicle…oh and Migraine associated vertigo.

Migraine associated vertigo, could also be the Vestibular Migraine, MAV sees a hurting poor person and slings them around and kicks them in the face. MAV steals our lunch money, silver spoons, and is the thief from poem “Stop Thief!” by Shel Silverstien. Trust me, if MAV has invaded, your feet and legs will not connect.


This is how MAV likes to play:
extreme sensitivity to motion
motion sickness
nausea and vomiting
coordination flys away
ear and hearing problems such as ringing in the ears and hearing loss
More common in those who have migraines with aura
those with basilar-type migraines are doomed to fall pray to MAV
I almost forgot, it also enjoys making evil laughs.

When MAV pays me a visit we have a nice time hanging on for deer life right away or chilling on the floor. Yes hanging, I feel that not just me, but the bed or chair is tipping. I literately hang on. I tightly grasp the head of the bed frame or the table thinking about how silly I must look as I refuse to let go because if I do MAV will take me out. Like it did on my way to the bathroom early today. Proves the resistance if futile. I become extremely sensitive to movement, and about everything in that list covers my last three days. I am escorted places (like the 15 steps to the bathroom) and given meals in bed. People who judge this as easy street need to fly off a merry-go-round and land in a thorn bush with fire ants while they have the flue. And then while they are in bed recovering someone should tell them, wow it is so nice to be able to spend all day in bed and to have someone wait on you. I digress.

What is fun about MAV is that it is not caused by the same things as regular vertigo. MAV is caused by blood flow and neurons not getting to the inner ear like it’s suppose to because of a migraine. This video from the Mayo Clinic explains it better then I can. I find her annoying, but it is informational.

Check these out for more information on MAV:

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