Breathe

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I was thinking about Psalm 104. That fact that we are breathing is a testament to God’s love. The Holy Spirit shows himself through the wind and air several times in the Bible. Take a pause and feel the Holy Spirit in the air around you, entering into you with each breath. The Holy Spirit is sustaining you, guiding you, and being there with you with each breath. We know this because in Psalm 104 it says that if He withdraws His breath their is death and when He sends the Spirit there is life.

Thinking about that with my pain management it makes a lot of sense that a lot of it is taking big breaths and being aware of what is around me. It is nice to realize that there is a simple and constant reminder of God’s presence.

I pray you take some comfort in that God shows us his presence through our respiratory system.

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I found a verse about describing an encounter with God through taste. Isn’t that awesome?

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Prayer for Sleep

Lord hear me,
I lift my voice to you,
my eyes droop with weariness
my limbs heavy with sleepiness
yet I am awake.
Alas my tired mind races
Lord listen to my cry
bless me with precious sleep.

 

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I’m Officially the Family Crazy

I’m packing to go to our first family reunion of the summer. I’m packing my coping materials and I realize I have no idea how to break it to my family that a doctor diagnosed me as crazy person. I am as ‘the family crazy’ as it gets. We haven’t told anyone on this side of the family about the last 6 months. I have not been in a making phone calls and sharing mood. If I have a melt down an explanation is going to have to be made. “Oh, well. Hanging in there. On top of my pain and epilepsy troubles, now I hear voices, I’m psychotic, have clinical depression, anxiety, and a serious fear of knives. How have you been?” Yup. That about covers it.

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Fireworks Hurt

The city fireworks are right now. I can hear them pop, bang, and boom from my bedroom. Each bang my migraine gets worse. The worst part of the 4th of July is right now. On the other hand, I can hear my niece squealing with delight. “Look!” and “Petty” are drifting into my room amidst the pops, bangs, booms, and squeals. It reminds me of how much I loved fireworks when I was her age. The pain changes how I tackle celebrations and holidays. I usually hope to make it through the whole event. Those are good days.

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Approved for Medicaid

I was approved for Medicaid! The first time we used it was for medicine, 1$ for 2 medicines that were 20$ a piece. It is going to help us a lot financially.

There is only one thing that is effecting negatively, I have to find a new talk therapist. None of the councilors that are upfront about being Christian don’t take Medicaid. And the therapists my therapist called are not taking on patients. I’m hoping that finding a therapist isn’t as hard as last time.

We are very grateful the the Medicaid came through we are struggling so much with the doctor and medicine bills.

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Paingry

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Paingry describes the anger caused by the frustrations of chronic pain. I get this way, angry for no other reason then I’m in a crap ton of pain again and can’t do anything about it. I choose to have alone time so that I don’t say or do something that I will regret. It is hard keeping emotions under control while being in crap ton of pain. I like this term it explains what I feel very well.

Its one of the million things I ask God to help me with.
Lord, help me cope with the emotions that the pain brings. Help me to safeguard my thoughts and feelings from anger and fear. Help me to not become paingry which hurts my family and friends. Hear my cry for help. Amen

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Spending One Hour in Prayer

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There is no correct way to pray. Spending a long time in prayer can sound hard. But if you look at prayer as a talk with Dad we can fill it up. Here is one way for an hour to quickly go by. Spend about 5 minutes in each of the 12 sections, you might find you will want to spend less time in some and more time in others. I like this order but shake it.

  1. Praise: Let God know that you acknowledged the things that he has done for you. Thank Him. Let God know what you think about Him: justice, love, holiness, omnipresence, greatness, faithfulness, creation, and/or redemption are some examples (you can check out the Psalms too).
  2. Silence: Take a moment of silence to focus on the presence of God. Feel God’s love and praise God for giving you this opportunity to speak with Him.
  3. Confession: Ask for forgiveness of your sins. Allow the Holy Spirit to move you to identify each sin. The Holy Spirit will lead you to accept forgiveness if you allow it.
  4. Read scripture: Reading God’s Word teaches us His promises, expectations, and about faith. Think about what it means to you. Pray about applying these lessons to your daily living. You can start in the Psalms.
  5. Watching: Be still and ask the Lord to help you know what to pray for. You are looking for where evil is larking and where thanksgiving is due. The Spirit will show what you and others need and the plans, methods, and stronghold of evil.
  6. Intercession: Pray for the joys, needs, and distress of others: family, friends, church, community, nation, etc. Its where you engage in Spiritual Warfare. You are showing through the Holy Spirit where evil is lurking, binding that evil to Jesus’s name, and breaking the evil’s stronghold.
  7. Petition: personal needs and joys
  8. Thanksgiving: Thank God for blessings, joys, salvation, ect.
  9. Song: Sing a hymn, rock with some Christian music, play an instrument. Make a joyful noise! Notice, it does not have to be pretty or really loud.
  10. Meditation: An active process of evaluation, searching, and pondering spiritual matters. Things that are true, pure, noble, beautiful, and praise worthy.
  11. Listening: Don’t talk, be still. Waite for the Lord to surround you with his goodness and love or maybe reveal new things to you.
  12. Worship: Extended Amen, exalt God.  Express your feelings of reverence, adoration, and joy.

 

 

 

 

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The Calming Truth

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We all have times when our brains get busy. Minds race or the little voices inside are pushing you to do something your not sure about, or your literally hearing voices, your own voice gets overrun by all the other things on your mind. One thing I learned that helps quiet things down is telling myself something true. As I focus my mind clears and I’m able to think my own thoughts again.

When I hear the voices and start to get anxious, I focus on my Truth. Jesus was born of the Holy Spirit and lived. He was crucified, dead, and buried.  He arose alive and was seen. He ascended into Heaven where he sits next to God the Father and sent the Holy Spirit to help His followers. God allowed all this to happen so that mankind could be forgiven of their sins and have eternal life with Him.

 

 

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I’m Starving

For about two months my stomach has hurt. I wasn’t able to place it. I did notice that I was eating gradually more and my weight increased. I was talking with Mom about it. That feeling is hunger. I didn’t place it because it’s been a long time since I felt hunger because I’m on Topomax.

I am on Risperdal. 44% of people who take it have increased appetite. Some describe it as a starving man at a buffet.  I think its a good description. No matter how much I eat my stomach feels so empty and sometimes the empty feeling hurts. The only way to stop the feeling is to go off the medicine.

The big question, how will the doctor react when I say I can’t live like this?

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