Approved for Medicaid

I was approved for Medicaid! The first time we used it was for medicine, 1$ for 2 medicines that were 20$ a piece. It is going to help us a lot financially.

There is only one thing that is effecting negatively, I have to find a new talk therapist. None of the councilors that are upfront about being Christian don’t take Medicaid. And the therapists my therapist called are not taking on patients. I’m hoping that finding a therapist isn’t as hard as last time.

We are very grateful the the Medicaid came through we are struggling so much with the doctor and medicine bills.


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Paingry describes the anger caused by the frustrations of chronic pain. I get this way, angry for no other reason then I’m in a crap ton of pain again and can’t do anything about it. I choose to have alone time so that I don’t say or do something that I will regret. It is hard keeping emotions under control while being in crap ton of pain. I like this term it explains what I feel very well.

Its one of the million things I ask God to help me with.
Lord, help me cope with the emotions that the pain brings. Help me to safeguard my thoughts and feelings from anger and fear. Help me to not become paingry which hurts my family and friends. Hear my cry for help. Amen

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Spending One Hour in Prayer


There is no correct way to pray. Spending a long time in prayer can sound hard. But if you look at prayer as a talk with Dad we can fill it up. Here is one way for an hour to quickly go by. Spend about 5 minutes in each of the 12 sections, you might find you will want to spend less time in some and more time in others. I like this order but shake it.

  1. Praise: Let God know that you acknowledged the things that he has done for you. Thank Him. Let God know what you think about Him: justice, love, holiness, omnipresence, greatness, faithfulness, creation, and/or redemption are some examples (you can check out the Psalms too).
  2. Silence: Take a moment of silence to focus on the presence of God. Feel God’s love and praise God for giving you this opportunity to speak with Him.
  3. Confession: Ask for forgiveness of your sins. Allow the Holy Spirit to move you to identify each sin. The Holy Spirit will lead you to accept forgiveness if you allow it.
  4. Read scripture: Reading God’s Word teaches us His promises, expectations, and about faith. Think about what it means to you. Pray about applying these lessons to your daily living. You can start in the Psalms.
  5. Watching: Be still and ask the Lord to help you know what to pray for. You are looking for where evil is larking and where thanksgiving is due. The Spirit will show what you and others need and the plans, methods, and stronghold of evil.
  6. Intercession: Pray for the joys, needs, and distress of others: family, friends, church, community, nation, etc. Its where you engage in Spiritual Warfare. You are showing through the Holy Spirit where evil is lurking, binding that evil to Jesus’s name, and breaking the evil’s stronghold.
  7. Petition: personal needs and joys
  8. Thanksgiving: Thank God for blessings, joys, salvation, ect.
  9. Song: Sing a hymn, rock with some Christian music, play an instrument. Make a joyful noise! Notice, it does not have to be pretty or really loud.
  10. Meditation: An active process of evaluation, searching, and pondering spiritual matters. Things that are true, pure, noble, beautiful, and praise worthy.
  11. Listening: Don’t talk, be still. Waite for the Lord to surround you with his goodness and love or maybe reveal new things to you.
  12. Worship: Extended Amen, exalt God.  Express your feelings of reverence, adoration, and joy.





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The Calming Truth


We all have times when our brains get busy. Minds race or the little voices inside are pushing you to do something your not sure about, or your literally hearing voices, your own voice gets overrun by all the other things on your mind. One thing I learned that helps quiet things down is telling myself something true. As I focus my mind clears and I’m able to think my own thoughts again.

When I hear the voices and start to get anxious, I focus on my Truth. Jesus was born of the Holy Spirit and lived. He was crucified, dead, and buried.  He arose alive and was seen. He ascended into Heaven where he sits next to God the Father and sent the Holy Spirit to help His followers. God allowed all this to happen so that mankind could be forgiven of their sins and have eternal life with Him.



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I’m Starving

For about two months my stomach has hurt. I wasn’t able to place it. I did notice that I was eating gradually more and my weight increased. I was talking with Mom about it. That feeling is hunger. I didn’t place it because it’s been a long time since I felt hunger because I’m on Topomax.

I am on Risperdal. 44% of people who take it have increased appetite. Some describe it as a starving man at a buffet.  I think its a good description. No matter how much I eat my stomach feels so empty and sometimes the empty feeling hurts. The only way to stop the feeling is to go off the medicine.

The big question, how will the doctor react when I say I can’t live like this?


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Botox Today

I had Botox today. Like always the fifteen minutes dragged as the doctor gave me the painful injections. I sang the Gloria Patri and took deep breaths as the doctor did the injections.  I am still in a lot of pain and its hurts to move.

It struck me today that getting Botox has made me overcome my phobia of needles. It still makes me anxious but I can breath and be pretty still. When we first started the doctor had to remind me to breath, be still, and keep my head held up. But not anymore. It took a lot of courage and strength from the Lord to get to this place.

I think overcoming phobias is a God thing. I need the Lord to get through every treatment.

Joshua 1:9 says: Have I not commanded you? be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid do not be discouraged, for the Lord you God will be with you wherever you go.

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Psalm of Thanksgiving

When I pray sometimes I focus on how much pain I’m in and only that. We need to remember  to praise God and thank Him for the things that He has done and things we  have. I am grateful that God connected me with caring doctors, medicine, a roof, and I’m surrounded by people who love and care for me

As I ponder your goodness
I’m compelled to lift praises.
I cast aside my woes and
I remember your goodness.
As I sweep aside my pain
I celebrate and worship.
My despair is silenced as
I sing thanksgiving.
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
for their wonderful goodness.

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Springboard Comebacks

I learned today a comeback to our downer thoughts. Its like a springboard. When you vector-woman-jumping-springboardhave a negative thought strike back with saying something positive. Hearing the positivity allows us to think, say, and hear. Its a powerful comeback. Positive and uplifting messages are empowering and helps us focus on the good things. Makes us think about subjects like pain management, healthy self-esteem, the people who helps us along the way, and the Lord.


  • Thoughts about being surrounded or trapped by the pain. Say “I’m surrounded by Jesus.” “I will be rescued” “I am surrounded by people who love me.”
  • Thoughts about being weak. Say “My God is my strength” or “I am strong and courageous because I have hope in the Lord”
  •   I can’t do this. Say “I can do this. God directs my path.” or “the Lord is my author and my finisher”
  • I’ll never get better. Say “the Lord will heal me” or “God is with the doctors” “New medicines are being discovered all the time.” or “I put my hope in the Lord.”
  • Its to much emotionally. Say, “A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body” or “God’s got this.” or “I put my trust in Him” or “The Lord will fill me with joy.”




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New Symptom: Nightmares

My mornings have been awful. Apparently one of the side effects of two of my medications is nightmares. And nightmares can trigger migraines. Which I learned is why I have been waking up with monstrous migraines and scared for no reason.

So I wrote a prayer. I have confidence in it so I am going to share it. A little back story, In 1 Samuel 16 we learn that Saul is afflicted with nightmares and they he finds relief when David plays his lyre.

Play some Christian music or some classical music while you sleep.

musin nighmare

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My TV Psychiatrist

I say my psychiatrist for the first time yesterday. I was told I would be seeing her over the TV. I had no idea how that was going to play out. It was face time with all of the things that make me dislike face time. I could see her lips moving and then a little bit latter the sound would come through. It made communication a little awkward. Sometimes I couldn’t tell when she was finished asking her question and accidentally talked while she was still talking. Over all it wasn’t a bad experience. I seem to have a doctor who cares about her patients. We could talk about everything we needed to. I can get used to this weird face time environment.

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